I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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