I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
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