I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
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