I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
