This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
They are going to name an STD after you.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
