Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
