u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
