sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
