high people should be assigned attendants
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
