Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i dont even know how to be here
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
