Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
