i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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