Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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