I am puke
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
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