I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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