Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
