Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
