11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
