It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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