bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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