Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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