i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
