I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
