She is in my trunk
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The police scanner is talking about you again....
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
