im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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