the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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