grandma shit on top of the toilet
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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