hotel room ftw
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
