found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
