i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
