I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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