I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
