So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Alive.
So much puke
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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