There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
