What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
