I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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