I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
