K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
we're chasing vodka with high fives
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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