woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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