this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
