You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
