I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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