Duck Duck Cougar?
one might say we're banned from that church
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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