my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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