There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm sobbing to NWA
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
