Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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