she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
