I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
how drunk are you?
Several
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
