and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
