I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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