i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
