after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
