i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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