look no pants
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
